Misplaced Without Help

I’m surrounded by friends; I’m alone
I’m lost and lonely; I have all the company I need
I don’t feel fulfilled around those I love
I have to stop my pain reaching them.

You annoy me, wind me up
Doesn’t really bother me but I lash out
I know what is happening but can’t do a thing
I want to feel close but I’m drifting apart

I feel a phenomenon, the day I meet you
You don’t notice the inner scars
The pain suffered, the laughs I’ve bared
You see through it all.

A sensation, a wonder, that’s what it is
My grief is put aside, not forgotten but safe
It’s locked away. Its lying dormant
Waiting for you to hurt me

Like a hurricane you sweep me off my feet
Straight into the nearest hole
I knew it would happen as I slip
I skid around the floor, pick up new bruises, new scars

I never know what to do as I grow more distant
I find myself thinking new thoughts
I’m isolated in a remote land, reserved for me
You don’t know where you’ve banished me

Someone’s displaced me and I am the lesser part
I whip the wind around me as I accept myself
I find a new part has been taken, a new fragment broken
A new part lying in shreds

You were untruthful, insincere
You double-dealt me then threw me away.
You left me standing in this hollow of depression
A place I’ve been before.

I am reliable but you were lying
You could not manage when you kept me
You hid me from myself now I can’t find those missing pieces
You took away my soul; I have to get it back

I’ve lost you, I’ve forgotten my friends
They don’t know me anymore, not since I hit rock bottom
And I am delving deeper
Won’t someone help me climb above my shame?

Won’t someone feed me my light?
Throw this spirit back into my body
Could you come near when you know not what to expect
I am falling further, never gonna find a way out

I got out last time, but the cause was you
How can I get out when you’ve been so untrue?
When my saviour turns against me, what chance do I have?
Can I resist the gravity tugging at me?

The water washes over me, reminds me what I had
It cleanses the evil marks from you
It washes away some pain
I splash in childish play until I start to splutter

There are still some things too well hidden
Your hands are around my neck
Whilst I cannot see your fingers I feel them there
I know it is I who must shake them off

Can anyone remove the shadow from your mass?
I find a life line in my head
You may have got in there but you cannot touch my thought
I can be tough; I’ll be strong next time I find help

My hands are tighter they grasp that memory
I fling it in that bottomless pit
The one you have made me into
I find the rungs to the world I left behind

You will not find me the same
I have learnt who I am
Whilst many may come
They can all go. This time it’s for me.

***had ALOT of problems submitting this poem, don't spose you know why?***