Now, before I say anything please realize that I'm not trying to make you feel down, rather to give you constructive criticism.

I think, first of all, that the issue that you have at hand calls for a little more length. I can tell you're emotional about and I understand that. Take that emotion and put some vitality into your poem and make it truly shine.

VerY lovinG sentenceS yoU useD herE. mE luV yR stylE oF writinG thaT keepS mE verY joY..... 5/5

luzaN