Rapists Don't Believe In God

When I was about three
I asked my mom about hell
She sat down and said to me
It’s where you go, if you don’t behave well.

She said that if you were bad
And didn’t ever repent
That would make god mad
And hell’s where your after life would be spent

So I lived my childhood
Repenting for my bad deeds
Doing my best to be good
Catering to other peoples needs

And I thought in my head
That nobody would sin, ever
If they knew that when they were dead
They’d be sent to hell forever

I know everyone does little things wrong
But I thought everybody would repent
So their sins would be gone
And feel happy that they went

But when I was eight
A man did something very wrong
He seemed so full of hate
I’d believed in peace for so long

But when I saw the bruise
I saw that little girl’s tears
I wondered why did he choose
To live eternity with his fears?

The man did n t believe in god one bit
He raped that little girl every night
He yelled, she cried, he hit
He didn’t believe in wrong and right

I stared at the mans face on TV
And tears filled my eyes
What if that little girl had been me?
What if that little girl dies …

She was holding on in intensive care
The next day I heard she’d died
And suddenly I saw him everywhere
And something in me was burning inside

But I held true to god, every night I would pray
Until when I was thirteen
Someone stole MY innocence away
And I discovered, God is nothing but a dream.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005

* I was actually twelve when I was abused, but nothing really rhymes with twelve, and besides it happened again when I was thirteen so you know.