I have a knife in my hand, up against my wrist, and I’m ready to die, by suicide.
But then I open my eyes and I realize how much I mean to this world.
I can just imagine my friends’ faces when they hear I’ve died by suicide.
They would cry, but more the yet,
Wonder why.
By then I remember why I wanted to die.
It was them, the way they treated me, the way they made me feel.
So I continue trying to slice my wrist.
But before it moves again, I see a picture, of me and some friends.
Then I realize, that they just play like that,
Every day, I realized how much they would miss me,
How much I am loved.
I realized that I’ve got friends who are the best people in the world.
But then I see the blood,
Oh no it’s too late.
I now know how it feels to die.
I know how it feels to want to try.
I know how the pain feels,
But even worse,
Now I cry.
I thought this is what I wanted.
But now I realize, this is what I feared,
Dying alone,
Having people I love push me this far,
The farthest I’ve ever been.
I’m so close.
To where I thought I wanted to go,
But no, this isn’t what I wanted,
This is what I thought had to be done.
Now that I realize that,
The pain has just begun.
My blood is everywhere.
I sit there on my bed and I stare.
I stare at the blood, at the hope I just lost, at the faith that just washed away, at the pictures of my friends and me.
The pictures of me and Zack, the pictures of me and Alexa, the pictures of me and Stephanie, the pictures of my family,
The pictures of my friends.
Right there and then is when I realized that I had people who care about me.
And if I dyed by suicide they would cry.
They would miss me and be ashamed of me.
I don’t want that.
I want them to love me, to like me for who I am,
Right now, not dead.
I wish they could see how much pain I’m in,
Because then if they did, they might remember something Steph said,
“Why cant people see how much pain I’m in and if they can why wont they just let me end it?â€
Then I realized if I did it,
So would she.
And I don’t want any of my friends to hurt themselves,
Especially because of me.
So I’ll stick in there, just a little bit longer,
To make sure she’s ok.
Because I love my friends and family.
So this one’s for you Steph,
I love you and you better not let me down.
Because when I wanted to die,
I thought of you, and didn’t do it,
But I still cried.
It’s ok to cry, its ok to want to die,
Please,
Just don’t try.
I’m going to give you a picture of me,
So that when you want to die or try to commit suicide,
You’ll remember me,
And hopefully won’t even try.
Just remember one thing Steph,
“Why cant people see how much pain I’m in and if they can why wont they just let me end it?â€
I see it.
But I care too much to let you end it like I tried to,
If you ever want to die like I tried to,
Just remember this one thing,
I love you Steph.
Best friends for life, always and forever, until the end I’m here with you Steph, for you’re my best friend, I’ll love you until the very end.
