The Question Of My Life

* This poem is what I have been wondering about for so long ... comments and votes would be appreciated, but I think this poem is one maybe only I can understand.

In my head, pictures are moving so fast
Faces I would rather not have to see
Haunting memories surfacing from my past
That will never let go of me

My hand shakes as I light my cigarette
As I think of places I shouldn’t have gone
People I wish I had never met
And all the times I should have moved on

I feel a pain in my heart take control
I sink into myself, trying to wash it away
But the more I push, the more it grabs my soul
And the more I will it to go, the more it wants to stay

For so long I thought I was right, it was good
That I was doing it all perfect as possible, just fine
I spoke and acted with the best sense I could
But I never noticed myself crossing the line

And now I’m fallen flat, stuck at a red light
Never moving on, always remembering the eyes
That judged and ridiculed me for trying to do what’s right
Always remembering everything I despise

And now I throw my hands up – the end is here
So sick and tired, I just want it to be gone
Want those faces, those memories to disappear
But they don’t. So I conclude, maybe doing what’s right is wrong?

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005