Bittersweet

What is bittersweet agony?
It's wrong, but it's good.
I do, and it takes the pain away.
This agony building inside this,
this bleeding body.
It shows through pain
Pain that feels so right
but it's not
Pain that is so cold
Pain that is calming
I welcome pain, but then shun it
I love pain, but it hurts
I inflict pain upon myself
I inflict pain upon my family but,
The pain is what keeps me alive
The pain is what keeps me grounded
The pain is bittersweet but,
my body's in agony.
That is the meaning of
Bittersweet Agony