The Fantasy

I was so tired
My mind started to numb
I was so tired
I couldn't feel anything not even my thumb

As soon as I laid down to bed
My eyes were closed shut
I was now fast asleep
I was dreaming now about all the times I had cut

Painful thoughts were going through my head
But I was dreaming with a smile on
Blinking images of me dying were glued to my brain now

I finally woke up with a gasp
I drank some water
I thought I'd feel refreshed
But I felt like I was burning, I felt my head getting hotter

I went back to sleep
And this time I wasn't scared
I was in my dream
But this time people actually cared

I was never crying
My smile was never a mask
I got what I wanted
And it wasn't too much to ask

I was happy to be alive
Everything felt right
My heart felt as good as it could get
There were never any fights

I didn't want this dream to end
But it did with my alarm
I got out of bed and checked my arms
There I was self-harmed