Masochistic smiles

My eyes are turning red
bloods flowing through my soul
i taste iron upon my lips
my heart now has a hole
her smiles white in color
but black is all i see
my body struggles for air
as if she's drowning me
yet even through the pain
theres a grin upon my face
as i watch my body rot
i no longer know my place
for every time i blink
i see her here with me
then i open up my eyes
to insecurity
maybe I'm insane
or a bit too cold inside
making ice from tears
so pain will simply slide
to be completely honest
i have my ups and downs
sometimes its only seconds
between smiles and frowns
but one thing stays the same
the voices in my head
they always say her name
despite the doubt they're fed
though sometimes i wanna cry
the tears are filled with love
but tears will always dry
when its her warm touch that i dream of.