Don't Leave Me Alone

An empty house, an empty heart
An open wound, an open mind
It took one person to tear this apart
One person who couldn't leave the past behind.

Because you can't forget, living this way
In this house with memories everywhere
Haunted by your fears night and day
And knowing that nobody is there …

I've always been alone inside, my whole life
So I can only blame myself for this mess
This loneliness that draws me to my knife …
To try and cut it out, it guess

I keep remembering my Dad
Back when I was a kid, if I was in trouble
He was the only person I had
He was my protective bubble

But he burst one night
When he laid his hands on me
I knew it wasn't right
But he didn't seem to see

And I blame myself, I do
If I had only gone out more
He could have found someone knew
But he had me to look out for

My misery kept him imprisoned here
It's my fault he was so alone
These reasons have never answered my fear
Just made me feel this was never home

So I had to let him have me
So I didn't feel guilty anymore
So for a while, he could be free
Of having this child to look out for

But now looking back
There was no point to it at all
His world was so black
And I felt such a fool

Thinking I could make him happy
Thinking I could help him stay
What he did, it made me feel dirty
But I felt destroyed anyway

And one night I went to his room
I found him laid out on the bed
Listening to his favorite tune
And then … I saw the blood around his head

I hadn't heard the gun
Not over the music being played …
I didn’t tell anyone …
It's important daddy stayed.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005

* Not true, just an insight into mental illness in a family … what it can do to people.