Mess

I am sitting here in the late of night
Trying to express myself with the poetry I write
The words I am seeking I cannot find
Because you continue to play on my mind.
Some words I never thought I would say
I don’t feel close to you something is gone in a way
I find that I cannot walk nor use my feet
Stomach food, I don’t think so, I can barely speak.
Depressed and crying I can’t control this emotion
Cluttered, Confused and these thoughts a commotion
I am lost in me, in my thoughts and myself
But something inside stops me asking for your help.
As much as this may be about you, it is about us
I want to confide and converse with you in trust
This life changing decision I must make on my own
I need here and close to me, but I need to be alone.
What more can I say but my head is a complete mess
I don’t know if I hate you more and love you less
Or do I hate you less and love you more
I just want things to go back to how they were before.
Why did this happen to us and of all people me?
Was there an issue I missed or something I couldn’t see?
What is going on and why is so hard to understand
I don’t want you to slip through my fingers like sand.
All this time, all I have wanted was just to with you
But I just can’t connect with what you are going through
Though can’t you see I do try, I am trying my best
It hurts and I’m confused, my worlds a crumpled mess.
Read my words with your bewildered and twisted confusion
As thought I’m stuck and messed up in a deranged illusion
Depression a black hole into which I slowly sink
Too much time spent alone with my thoughts to think.
As my mess becomes clear and slowly unraveled
With every line I write another issue is tackled
Now my thought can start to ease and gently relax
I cut off my emotion and deal with the evidential facts.
You’ve had a dramatic life change, you have stuff going on
That I can respect and understand where you come from
You’ve never been one to really verbally express your emotion
But you have so many other ways of showing me your devotion.
Times are hard and you’re attempting to deal with it yourself
But if you need me I’m sure you won’t hesitate to ask for my help
You just carry this burden alone; deal with it best you can
Keep your head help up high and act the perfect man.
Sitting here writing these very words
I figure you still love me, that right now you’re just hurt
That is just something you find hard to express
Look how my over thinking created another mess…