Six Years Gone

I lean my head
Against the window pane
Staring out at the world,
Six years gone: I still feel the same.

I feel somewhat numb
My refusal to cry
Tonight I will NOT
Ask God why.

Because, I never
Get a reason for my tears
Despite that I’ve been searching
For six long years

I cut myself
And smile for a second or two
It’s the only peace I get
It’s all I know how to do.

And now my scars weave about
In their hundreds on my arm
I study them and wonder why
I need to do THIS to stay calm?

It’s another why
That has one answer, just one:
I have lived and felt hell,
Since the day my life begun.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005