I Am Thee Actress To Hate

You kissed me and I kissed back
You held me and I let you take me
You took off my bra and I let you
You were excited I know this
You even trusted forward hoping for something
But our clothes were still on

But what I was then was just an act
I’m the best actress you will ever know
For 3 minutes you kissed me
By then I got the technique down
Grabbed your hair and down your throat I went
Rubbing your back to tell you I’m still in it

But I must apologize I was just pretending
I was chocked up inside wanting to cry
I was hoping you would not lay me down but you did
You spread my legs so you could be in between
My heart did race but it raced out of fear
I’m so deceitful, am I not?

I do not mean to play games with you
But I do not want you to think I want you
Yet I pretended to enjoy it
The deep breaths I took I knew would sound good to you
So I breathed in deep and exhaled all that I could
I even moan a bit to make you even more excited

Your mind was clouded with passion I’m sure
But my mind was forcing me on you
Telling me I could do this that I should not be afraid
I kept the act up; kissing you, grabbing you, scratching you

I even let you kiss my neck which I knew what would do to me
This time the breaths I took were real
My body moved on its own when you kissed it
But still the thoughts were running in my mind
“I do not want to do this. Not with you”
Then this play took a turn I was not ready for

I felt your hand on my pants trying to unbutton it
At first I would let you to complete this act
But when you hesitated I did too
You tired for my pants again but this time I stopped
This was as far as I would let this play go
“I’m not going to raped myself not this time”

I like you and you know this
But all I see in your eyes is sex
And I do not want it
You play the game of nice boy
I can play the game too
But my game is more damaging

I am not ready for you
You are nice and sweet
But you; I do not know
I’m going to protect what’s left of my virginity
I am not ready for you

What I did with you today was just a game
I played it well and I’m sure I even fooled you
You thought I was enjoying every part
All I thought during our storm was
“I can not, I can not, Not with you”

I’m sorry that I’m the best actress around
I’m sorry I breathed deep on purposed
I’m sorry I kissed you like I did
But I was not going to let you feel like a fool
I’ll just put that burden on me

But I can not be with you
You want so many things
And I can not give you one
Trust me when I say
It is not you; please believe that
I am just not ready for this

I’m sorry I acted today with you
But what else was I supposed to do?
I'm sorry David
But i'm still a child inside
Who will not rape herself this time