Learning to live

You look at me and tell me
about the beautiful things in life
and I know I should have told you before,
but I gave up hope that night

I gave it all away;
my pills, my knives, my needs
Didn't know where I was heading
don't know where this may lead

"I'll be with you all the way," you said
"I'll help you through each day
And when you're all done with this
you'll se how this will pay"

I picked up my knife when I had feelings
I did it every day
Now that routine is changed
I'll have to find another way

Another way to cope with things
another way to cry
another way to let it out
and someday I will smile

The road is long and hard to go,
but I somehow think I can try
Cause I am just too tired of this;
I don't want a fake smile

I want a smile so perfect
a smile that's not even fake
I want a smile that shines me up
for all my pain to take

And the knife is no longer an option
it doesn't really work
I held on to it for years
oh my God, I was such a jerk

But now that knife is gone
forever, and I hate it
but it is a part of becoming normal;
the pain will go away, bit after bit

I felt so alone,
I had nothing to give
But now I think I'm climbing up
Cause now I'm learning to live