Nothings Gonna Change

It's only two in the afternoon
And I already have five beers inside me.
I am sat up here in the dark of my room
Covering up … trying to hide me.

I keep making new resolutions every day
I won't cut .. I won't drink
But my strength just fades away
I reach self-destruct because I cannot bare to think.

And every day I feel
I'm getting a little closer to madness
My fingers slowly uncurling .. so cruelly real
Losing my grip … and embracing the sadness.

I ask myself so many times through so many tears
Where am I hoping this will lead me
And I have cried this way for so many years
Because it feels like the world does not need me.

The touch of loneliness on a fragile heart
Is enough to freeze any dream
And mine did fall apart
Replaced by this insanity so cruel and obscene.

I have just realized I am shivering ...
I am wrapped up so warm and secure …
But my whole body is quivering …
Aching for the taste of something pure -

Something magical that will never come.
Something you only see in Disney films and cartoons …
And I look out my window, and think of every single one
All the people like me out there … sitting lonely, crying in their rooms.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2003-2005

* written a while ago, but most of it's still appropriatre to my mood. it may be familiar as i posted it in my old account.