Confused

Holding on,
but letting go,
standing up,
but sinking below.
Showing a smile,
but hiding a frown,
staying up,
but slipping down.
I follow the rules,
but do the forbidden,
happiness showing,
but sadness hidden.
Feeling love
but also hate,
believing in luck
but also in fate.
Treated well
but still used,
feel in control,
but also confused.