Shame

A single stain lies on my cheek,
Mascara runs through these tears,
Blood marks across my wrist,
I’m seeing all my fears,

Once I thought about this blade,
I wanted again to feel its touch,
I see the blood spilling over,
I’m reminded of so much,

I want to pull the blade across me,
Blood shows the life inside of this,
This living, breathing model,
Of something that has lost it’s bliss,

Hurt that was once dispelled,
Is pain and anger once more,
You leaving me just symbolizes,
That I still haven’t closed that door,

Black swirling clouds,
Bring darkness from high above,
I was once so pure,
Innocent as a white dove,

Let me take this sorrow,
And carve with it a knife,
So sharp, so deadly and precious,
For me to end my life,

I draw black lines round my eyes,
Forget why I even bother,
Is it to hide the tears that are brimming?
Or to hide this girl inside altogether,

With each band around my wrist,
A time I have wished of death,
When I have whispered it so silently,
Under my each breath,

With each delicate black stained nail,
A reason I wished to die,
Reasons I've had to stay,
And why I just sat to cry,

With each scar across this fragile,
Tender, soft, young wrist,
Is a memory that lingers beside me,
Another event that has put me through this,

You are here with me,
Mascara tears and all,
You are here with me,
Helping me take this fall,

But we can’t do this together,
And I can’t make it by myself,
It suddenly seems so hard,
To keep that knife on the shelf,

I don’t know what’s happened,
And I really can’t explain,
I was trying to be so strong,
But it came leaking out again,

I wanted to be perfect,
Just like everyone but me,
I wanted to smile and look strong,
And not have this hurt you see,

I wanted to not fall apart,
But to stand on my own two feet,
I can’t take this anymore,
Alone, this I can’t defeat,

I know that you are here,
Closer than all the rest,
I know you are right beside me,
And I know you are the best,

But trying to keep this heart,
Happy, whole and strong,
Trying to keep this blood pumping,
Normally, not all wrong,

For once I needed to be able,
To stand just for this girl,
Stand up for the one, who cries,
Stand up for this little pearl,

But you know what, I can’t do it,
Whether I need to or not,
It just isn't a real part of me,
This has pushed me over the top,

So look in the eyes black and tearful,
Look past all the pain,
And see this girl, a failure,
A shame to the family name.

*All votes and comments greatly appreciated as always*