March 17th

I was innocent and pure,
before this dreadful day,
Never harmed anything,
in any kind of way.

I had made mistakes
but never like this.
The only wounds I ever had
Were healed with just a kiss.

I had not done these kind of things
Had not caused any strife,
But that changed in March last year
When I tried to end my life.

It was after school
We were about to go,
But my brother came,
and took a horrible blow.

My friend had knocked him over,
pushed him off his feet,
He hit his head and started to cry,
I felt so incomplete.

I went into panic, unsure of what to do,
So I grabbed my mobile phone,
called my dad to come and get him
and proceeded to walk home.

My brother was not meant to annoy my friends
I did not have to call my dad,
But I was proud for trying to help,
it made me kind of glad.

But as soon as I walked in the door
My dad started to yell,
Saying things about my friend
that I would prefer not to tell.

He screamed at me
when I had done no wrong
So in the end I left the room
I tried to move along.

But I could not forget what had happened
What my father had said,
I was crying, I was dizzy
I couldn’t get it off my head.

So I did something bad,
After crying a lake,
I went to the bathroom
and made a big mistake.

No one was home
But I locked the door,
and went and got a razor
out of the draw.

I sliced the razor,
up and down my faint arm,
And felt so much pain,
from my dull self-harm.

To most people, cutting brings joy,
but to me it only brought pain,
Because after just those fifteen cuts
I could not stop again.

The cuts were red,
They were long and deep,
They stung, they throbbed,
I hurt too much to sleep.

So I spent the night crying,
It was all I could do,
until the sun came up
and the sky went blue.

I met my friend at the usual,
He saw my incisions,
He was kind of angry,
But they were my stupid decisions.

I went to the welfare coordinator,
Showed him my hideous arm,
so he rang my parents up
and we had a meeting about my harm.

I sat in the room
He told them everything,
The next thing I was told
was that I needed counselling.

So reluctantly
I went to the place,
Struggling and failing
to keep a smile on my face.

The shrink asked me a million questions,
that I did not want to answer,
my own stupid mistake
turned into a deadly cancer.

I promised my parents then and there,
That I would not cut myself,
that when I got sad and upset
I’d just do something else.

It was the worst day of my life,
one I didn’t want to replay
Alas, the scars continually remind me
of all that happened that day.

It was horrible,
I was deeply full of pain,
But on March 17th I went home
And cut myself again…