Trying Not To Love You

I've been trying not to love you,
I do it every day.
I guess it's one of those things
which just wont go away.
It's all I can do to pre-occupy my mind.
If I let go and think of you
my heart might unravel and unwind.
If you truly cared,
why didn't you fight?
I'm trying not to love you,
trying with all my might.
I'm barely holding on,
not knowing which way is right.
What we had was special.
No one and nothing else
could make me feel so right.
So how did it dissolve,
all in one hate-filled night?
Where do I go,
to whom do I turn?
I hate you or think I do
but then I start to yearn.
What am I going to do?
How am I going to learn?
It's hard enough to fight this
every day and every night.
I want to run to you
and be held inside your arms.
But that is all impossible
and all against your will.
You said you loved me
and so I let myself fall.
But you didn't love me.
Not a little bit.
Maybe not at all.
I've lost trust
and I don't know where to find it.
Why can't we go back
to where we were?
I'm barely holding on,
you've let go wit hall your might.
Most of all and more than anything,
I regret that night.
There's a part of me now empty,
I know you could have filled.
So why'd you have to go away?
It feels my heart's been killed.
Can I love again without you?
I really don't know if I can.
I guess that's the end of it.
You're no longer my man.
I'm still trying not to love you.
I do it every day.
So tell me,
why after so long,
do I still feel this way?