That Final Day

Inside I lie awake
Even when I sleep
Even that is fake
Because truly I weep

Crying for what
I've lost, never found
Things I should have forgot
And that horrid sound

Of a scream
Piercing through my throat
And my ever real dream
Of my blood stained suicide note

One day I know
That I will give in
I will let go
Sink the blade into my skin

And I fear it and want it
Fearing that perhaps I'm wrong
But knowing every sad bit
Of my life lasting too long

And on my face I wear
A cheerful smile, glowing
Because I honestly care
That they must go on not knowing

I can not stand the pitiful look
The tears in the eye
But they will one day see what took
My life. That will be on the day I die

Until then I live this way
Crying inside, this horrid ache
Just waiting for that final day
When I truly will break

And when I do it will be
A blessed gift of peace
A final end to this 'me'
A day for the grief to cease.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005