Whats real

I sit on my bed
regretting what I\'I'vedone
hoping people wont notice
holding the razor in my hand, blood dripping down my arm
just hoping my mom wont walk in
crying myself till no tears left
knowing cutting isn't the right way
thinking I'll be OK
i decide to tell my friends
trusting it will be alright
waiting for the right time and place
to tell my friends with disgrace
when i did they stood and stared
no knowing what to do
they swore to me
they wouldn't tell
not anyone at all
i thought it was a one time thing
thinking was a lie
to days later i had my friends
come to help me away
they got upset and mad
so i took the knife
and locked the door
sucking out my blood
once again i cried
knowing that i lied to myself
i thought i wouldn't do it again
i was always such a goodie goodie
as i came out of the bathroom
my white shirt red
my friends see
that there is something wrong
they see how i think
they called the one i really feared
the best of all my friends
the only one who cried
who really cared
she still promised she wouldn't tell
but she couldn't take it anymore
i put so much stress in her life
she went to her parents
for love and advice
breaking her promise
she came to school the next day
telling me what she had done and
what they said
furious i was thinking she was a bad friend
but now i know she wasnt
she thinks that i dont care
not even one bit
but she needs to know
the whole story's not clear
not even to me
i've said sorry so many time
to her the most
but the most im sorry for being me
but i've things this year the most
that i regret
and i cant take them back
but for now all i can do is wait
till she forgives me for my ways