I like it.

Nice, complimentary rhyme scheme. Interesting use of mesmoral type imagery.

Great, righteous begging. I enjoyed the overall 'outspoken/speaking' tone.

Loved the idea of a 'fine' line. Such a fatal distant thing, select only to the orators knowledge.

The development of a finite mortality to that of an immortal 'bond' is very appealing. I suggest you continue with it. I can't give a solid idea for grabs...but maybe you could consider some type of epoch [changing event] or wheel of something. ie - time, life in specific, someone/thing well loved, a hidden passion [ sport, music].

Have fun. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

5/5