Token to pain

I take the Advil to kill the pain
inside of me
the ongoing feeling of sadness
and confusion and rejection
and i lay there
waiting to die
I can feel my life slowly slip away
the nausea comes
and i run to the toilet
i puke all the pills back up
and i dizzyingly sit down
screaming and crying
i didn't really want to die
not yet, something good was out there
waiting for me
if only everyone knew
i just made a suicidal attempt
maybe they'd be nicer to me
maybe they'd care
but wait
did they already???
i clutch my head in despair
and wiped the tears from my face
then i picked up the bottle
that had held the token to death
that had failed me
and i threw it in the trashcan