I thought and thought and thought of you,
repetitive my mind once was,
but now these scars and tears of blood,
will help my conscious clear this rut.
It formed upon a sleepless night,
the imprint grew and grew and grew
now longer deep- I'm almost free
this impression in my head of you
You plague my thoughts,
you form my words
I speak my truth
once thought absurd.
Chemicals of cells and nerves
You revealed what I deemed thus-
dopamine for mortal pleasure
more than this composes us
My beliefs, once clear, are now discursive
but mere pulses cannot compare-
though numbing all remains of you-
to your love that was once there
You believed my mind deceptive
and declared my thoughts impure,
of all the marks your presence left
that brand of fallacy will never cure
My innocence was lost with you,
the manner of my words were cruel-
but your faith in nonexistence,
left me the surper and you the fool.
I stole you heart, your thoughts, your breath
I took what you had yet to give,
I had affection for survival-
but you were fed hot ash to live.
You, with sores and cuts exposed
you, with faith in weapons, fierce
you, with trust in cracked facades-
I a virgin to young men's tears
From your need for truth I constructed these lies,
from you longing for affection the fallacies were born,
I caused the tears that sting your wounds,
I touched the heart and mind, now torn.
I brought the blade to pierce the skin,
I brought the barrel to your face,
I gave the pills so quickly swallowed-
I was the cause of your disgrace.
