Emotion (re-revised)

This is a very profound philosophical poem with much truth expressed eloquently

This is much more mature. Not just in style, but approach too.

You have taken your time with this one, and as you mentioned, revised it too, whioch is good as it shows you take critisism on board.

Personally I would break this down into stanzas to give the reader a chance to aborb the message you're sending.

I would also add proper punctuation to give the reader a guide so they know where to rest and reflect.

Lastly you use To and Or to far too many times in the last stanza.

And everyone has potential:
the potential to remain angry,
or find joy,
cling to hate,
discover love...
To find their emotions,
and their soul.

Don't worry about syllable counts or flow, worry about the message and keeping the reader interested in what you want to say. Once you have that you can start to build upon other areas.

Good effort fella.

Bret

commenting again. just love this poem. 5/5

check out my poems some time~!!~ please read my poem rose or inner darkness or glommy or being forgotten. thanks
i'll return the favour~!!!~
luv
nida

great job. i luv this poem. its r first i have ever read but i can tell i'll be coming back here~!!~

yuor poems keep getting better... they are great...xox Sherrie