The Scenario

The Scenario

Who are these voices in my head?
Why am I lying in some strange bed?
Someone’s presence close, nearby.
How can you just sit there?!? How and why…?
What the hell happened? Why am I here?
I’m confused, so full of fear.
I try to move, but no luck.
What’s going on? Holy sh*t, oh f**k!
Now I remember! I’ve gone insane.
Right after I heard her whisper my name.
I caught her on her last breath,
I called for help, but couldn’t stop her death.
She was my only one, ad now she’s gone.
I got so depressed, I couldn’t go on.
I took her knife, slit my wrists,
Didn’t stop to think whether I would be missed.
I lay beside her, held her in my arms.
God, I wish things hadn’t gone so far!
I guess they got lucky, caught me in time.
She went to her death, but not me to mine.
No I’m lying in some hospital bed,
And I hear a voice that’s not in my head.
He’s worried about me; he wants me back.
I hear his voice, with sobs he is wracked.
I know this voice, it’s so familiar,
But I haven’t talked to him in what feels like years.
Suddenly I realize, this stranger I know so well
Is talking to me, though I can hardly tell.
He says he loves me, through his tears,
And for me to die is one of his worst fears.
Then he just stands up, I feel his finger tips.
He says he’s gotta go, gently kisses my lips.
I feel like screaming out to him, grabbing him by the arm,
Though seeing as I cannot move, I’d probably just do more harm.
I’m all alone again, what a bore.
I try not to remember what she died for.
When I wake up, this will all be a dream.
But now I’ve awoken. What’s changed? Nothing.
I’m still here, trapped, alone.
I’m so helpless, I let out a moan.
Then I realize that someone’s here, lying next to me.
I can feel his hand in mine, and he’s sleeping peacefully.
Then, suddenly, I can see.
There’s an ultra-sterile white ceiling above me.
I try to move; I know that I can.
But I feel unworthy, like the scum that I am.
I sink back down into my cave,
Knowing that the outside world I cannot brave.
I brood over what a b**ch I am,
Knowing that I could have told, God d**n!
This is what I deserve, to stay here forever,
Or I need to wake up so my wrists I can sever.
I start to cry deep inside,
And I hope I don’t wake this boy at my side.
As tears roll down my cheeks,
He actually does wake from his sleep.
He then wraps me in his arms,
And tells me that I’ve done no harm.
How can he say that?!? He doesn’t know…
I sink into my pit to an all-time low.
Now everything that she ever said
Runs over and over in my head.
But still I feel him holding me,
He’s been here through this, he cares for me.
I don’t notice, but I rest my head on his shoulder.
His warmth reminds me that I’ve never felt colder.
I want to ask him how long it’s been,
But I think my mouth is clamped shut by my sin.
I turn my head, look into his eyes
I can tell he’s been pained by near demise.
Just now her mom walks in.
She’s been crying and she looks so thin.
She says she’s glad that I’m OK,
And the police want to speak with me, by the way.
They walk in as she gives me a sad hug,
And to all their questions I just nod, shake my head, or shrug.
They leave and this boy turns on the TV
Is he my boyfriend? God, he must be…
Then once again he’s gotta leave,
And he warns me not to die in my sleep.
Then a nurse comes in with food on a tray.
I look at her apologetically and push it away.
So instead she points to the shower.
I’m in no mood to ignore that stern glower.
It feels good to be clean, my body at least.
My soul will forever be dirty, as I’m responsible for the deceased.
He tells me it’s been 8 days since,
His love and support broke down my defense.
I can now talk to him; tell him why,
After seeing her there I had to die.
But talking about it just makes me feel worse.
Because I didn’t tell, I’ll forever be cursed.
They have finally let me out,
But I’ll be on suicide watch, no doubt.
I’ll hang myself, OD, jump off a cliff,
Bleed out, poison, close this d**ned rift.
Suffocate, burn, maybe I’ll drown,
Rob a bank, then run; let them shoot me down.
It doesn’t matter what it takes;
Somehow I’ll pay for my mistakes.
Until then I’ll live a lie;
They won’t expect me to die.
I’ll leave a note explain what it’s all about.
God, just wait ‘til they find out!
I can’t stand it anymore!
The reasons for death outweigh anything worth living for.
The weight of guilt, depression, helplessness is heavy
No one who really understands is still living to console me…
*There’s your scenario, Tallis. Don’t you dare leave me, girl!!!*