People have told me
That by looking into my eyes
They are able to see
My feelings for that moment.
But I wonder,
Does it work for only that moment?
Can you see what I’ve felt
For the last five, ten, fifteen years?
Can you see my hurt, pain, anguish?
Can you see my agony, anger, bitterness?
Let me ask another question.
How old am I?
If you say eighteen that is
Only legally and politically correct.
In my head I am twenty-one.
In my heart I am forty-one.
In my soul I am sixty-one.
Twenty-one because I feel independent,
Like I need no one but myself.
And twenty-one because
That is the when you REALLY come of age
Forty-one because my poor, little heart
Has been through the amount of pain
That someone who is halfway through their life
Has experienced.
Sixty-one because my soul feels old and cold
Like elderly people who have see so much hurt,
Seen so much pain and had their hearts broken so many times
That their inside is a hollow, empty shell.
But the thing is
When you meet me
You will never know any of this.
Because my eyes only tell
How I am feeling for THAT moment right?
So I may have a joyous moment
And they will light up bright.
Or I may have a gray day
And they are clouded over.
But you will never know
How I feel constantly
Unless you get lucky
And I open up
And let you see.
