Insecurities

I don’t feel pretty,
But I do feel sad.
I feel shitty,
Just feel bad.
Most days I just
Don’t feel smart.
These insecurities
Break my heart.
I don’t ever feel
Good enough.
Trying to be happy
And brave and tough.
I just want
To be beautiful,
Smart, talented, fun,
Lovable, and cool.
I’m terrified of losing you,
Don’t wanna be alone.
I’ll do anything to keep you,
My desperation is now shown.
Reassurances help for awhile,
But I’m still paranoid.
Yeah, ‘k, I gots issues,
I’m phobic of that dark void.
The single person that I know
Will not be pushed away
Is considering her own suicide.
Gods, I’m so afraid!
She tells me constantly
That I’ll “find someone else”
“You are loved”,
But it doesn’t help.
All the same,
I’ll have my cliff.
It’ll be my own,
An empty pit.
Just so you know,
I don’t care
How obnoxious you are,
Or what you wear.
As long as you’ll
Just accept me,
I’ll love you
Incredibly.
And if you leave me,
I’ll understand.
But how do I fix me,
If I can?
You don’t get it,
Constantly I’m plagued,
By all the bad things about me,
They put me in a daze.
I’m hard-pressed to find,
A reason that out-weighs all these flaws.
For my friends to stick with me.
What could be the cause?
What kind of good
Do you see in me?
You seem to love me,
But how can that be?
I have no clue
What it is.
Please, I need
To understand this!
What is it that
Attracts you to me
When I’m naught
But this terrible little thing?
Sometimes I wish
I were invisible.
‘Cuz most of the time,
That’s how I feel.
Please, won’t you help me
Find the truth?
If you’ll tolerate me,
I’ll be in awe of you.