Everything I Fear (SJ)

For the first time it has become apparently clear
That everything I want in life is everything I fear
Every tear I’ve cried because I was alone
Is a tear cried in vain because I rather be on my own
But that’s not the truth more or less, so to speak
Its just the thought of true love makes my knees go weak
To love a man, hell, that’s all I ever wanted to do
The problem is him loving me back and always being true
How many Mr. Wrongs do I have to endure
Before I find one who’s right, who’s needed, who’s pure
Pure with his mind, his heart, and his soul
Gifted with the ability to make my broken heart whole
How many nights must I crawl into bed
with the same fantasies & nightmares flashing in my head
To have a lifetime of happiness or one full of regret
To forgive the betrayal but the pain never to forget
To struggle between self awareness and self doubt
Battling with the idea of what love is truly about
Trying to knock down obstacles standing in my way
Trying to avoid the evil that may lead me astray
Laughing and crying the same exact tears
Because everything I want in life is everything I fear