Not your best work, but i gave you a five for your efforts, it was a message with a strong poem, you just need abit more structure in some of your poems.

Picture each sentence is a speech and different people are speaking those sentences outloud, you wouldn't want your 'speech' to be longer or shorter then the others. You would want them to be around the same, wouldn't you? that is the way poetry is, you can go over abit but don't go over too much, watch your beats and syllb. your definately a great poet with strong words to be said, your structure is what is holding you back i think...please don't take offense to this, i am merely trying to point out something that could make your poems really great.

I think if you put more structure into them...poeple will definately start to notice, then again, i could be wrong.
Either way i say it is worth giving a shot...well i have rambled on for long enough.

Five/Five.

P.S. Please don't take offense to me trying to help you out, i just want to see you become that amazing poet that i know is inside you.