Shrinking

I feel so frozen
Lost in this place
I want to try to forget
I Remember, I am seeing
Everything that happened, like
An explicit horror video in my mind
The smells, the taste, the hurt, the touch
Of his unwashed pale, rough skin brushing
Pushing onto me, so quick, so hard and all the
Pain and humiliation it really feels just as if
It is happening right here, right this very
Moment, and I can not escape, I can’t
Just like I couldn’t then, it’s got me
So much the same as then and as I
Play it through again, once more
I wonder what I possibly did
To deserve this utter terror
The frightened, lost soul
I have become is just
A shadow now, so
Worthless, and so
Weak, I am dying
Fading away and
I can’t stop this
Nowhere to go
Except inside
My mind, it
Is cold and
I cry, ache
For some
Person ..
Who’s
Open
To
Understand. And able to help me.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005