As I Watch My Death ... I Try To Understand Why

- This is a story, and yes, it's pretty long. Enjoy!! -

You took what little faith I had in trust and threw it at the sky
I got down on my knees and begged for you to once again try
You hit me with the hardest hand and let out a foul yell
You said that it was all my fault and I'd end up in hell
I pleaded with you to forgive me, I promised I'd follow the rules
Then you backhanded me with hate and said "You faithless fool!"

I wake up laying in the grass not knowing how I ended up here
All I know is that it hurts to breathe and there's faces of fear
I can't remember the actions that led up to the shining light I see
But the ending to this tragedy is one you can't for-see ...

It was late one evening in December, the snow was heavy and falling
We listened to the carols, "Hark the Harald angels are calling"
I remember faintly, the smell of the potpourri inside the dish
Looking up at the moon, and making my one last wish
I didn't know it would be my last, I didn't think this night would end in death
But I remember fighting hard for my last and final breath

I remember I was sitting on the couch wrapped up by the fire
When he came running in and hit me, screaming, calling me a liar
The impact threw me off the couch and against the hot stove
I hit my forehead on the side of it and I felt the rush of pain in my bones

I was too confused to know what was going on, too hurt to understand
I just remember him screaming words at me, grabbing at my hand
Lifting me from the ground and shoving me repetitively back down
Everything seems so vivid now, but I remember falling hard on the ground

He took me outside and threw me, I fell like the falling snow
He picked up his loaded 45 magnum, I heard just one silent blow
It lodged itself inside my heart, the last word I heard was "Die"
So I followed on command, and I didn't question the reason why

Now I'm back to where I started, but the evidence seems lost and wrong
It doesn't make sense to me how I ended up dead and fled and gone
I always did what he told me, I always played the part
But somehow, now, I have a silver bullet locked in my heart

I'm soon to find out the reason, but I'm still afraid to know
So I watch from where I stand, and watch it all occur below
I see myself sitting on the couch, humming the tunes of the night
When suddenly and enraged man comes into plain sight
I see him grab me and throw me, I feel the pressure from his grip
I feel the hit from the back of his hand, I feel the blood on my lip

Once again he screams at me, and calls me a lying w*ore
That part all seems new to me, I didn't remember that before

So I keep watching ...

As I look back down I see him throw me out into the cold
He grabs my arm and screams and me and says that I'm too bold
Thats when I get on my knees and beg for one more chance
I say I never meant to hurt him, and I watch this in a trance
I see him reach behind his pocket and load the gun before my eyes
As I let out malicious billows, deceived and hurtful cries

He says he can't be with me, I'm cheater, I can't be trusted
And with that he cocks the gun back and the bullet is thrusted
I watch myself keel over as the bullet hits my bloody chest
The alcohol created illusions in his mind and did infest
But I ended up dead, with false accusations and I watched it from the clouds...
Now this is where my story ends, I had to get my story out ...