Holding on

I want to stay I really do
I want to hold on just for you
But I am really not that strong
and I cant hold on very long

I'm trying hard to see the light
But when I'm crying in the night
Forgetting all the happy times
Only remember lifes cruel crimes

Taking people far from me
Family dying constantly
Watching one I love so much
succumb to deaths enticing touch

Watching my life fall before me
Happiness is just a story
That I no longer understand
Living in this painful land

I said I'd never let it win
never even let it in
But its winning can't you see
binding and controlling me

However theres a glow of light
For which I will try to fight
The glow of light it is my friend
Who stopped my life from a cold end

For when they smile it comforts me
Happy what I long to be
Just when I thought I was crawling
Out of darkness now I'm falling

Taking those knives into school
In my bag a constant call
Walking into the dark loos
The knife is what I have to choose

Standing in there all alone
Trying not to cry or moan
Cutting myself silently
But the sight it gives me glee

Drugs are hidden in my bag
Without them I'm going mad
But I am doing my best
Trying hard to take them less

I am trying to hold on
Cannot stay here very long
Pulling on the hopes like threads
Keeping me from being dead