Sorry

I read the poem written for me
and a boy named Jamie
I'm so sorry to do this to you
I'm sorry that he's messed up too
I hope that you can find the light
And be so happy, not cry at night
I wish that I could find it too
and stop these feelings being blue
But I'm so deep in here now
Falling further from the ground
Trying to stay up but falling
Voices in my head are calling
My gran I love her so much
Want to take her from deaths clutch
Instead of just sitting here
terror whispering in my ear
Can't look on the bright side
When I feel so scared inside
Watching mum collapse again
Hearing her cry out in pain
Thinking of the people dead
Memories stirring in my head
Of the time when I was free
Feeling so god damn happy
Before all this shit it came
making my life feel so lame
pointless and stupidly
I thought I could be happy
I'm sorry that you saw the knife
and that it tried to mess with your life
I didn't intend to be seen
In my bag it should not have been
So I'll try to make things right
Try stop crying in the night
But it is so very hard
My life permanently scarred.