Too Late

I struggle to find
A sane place
In my turbulent mind
Below the surface

Where the shadows lie
Perhaps an island
A part of me that doesn’t cry
A part humanity can understand

Not this suffering pain
That I am forced to endure
Over and over again
While I search for a cure

But there seems to be nothing there
Inside and out is desolate
And I see my end everywhere
I am growing desperate

I curl up in a tiny ball
Hoping the pain will pas me by
My body doesn’t move but I fall
And inside and out, I cry

The more I search for that spot
Where pain has been lost
The more I feel my very soul rot
And my searching carries a heavy cost

I pay with my blood and tears
I have forfeited my right to smile
By looking in me to cure my fears
When the cure was outside all the while

Outside my place of hell
Outside where I cannot touch
Inside I simply searched and fell
Inside, the outside looked too much

My refusal to connect
To the faith that was made to redeem
Has left me aching with complete regret
As I cling to an old and rusty dream.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005