Stuck

Im stuck inside myself
Crying silently for help
Needing to yell and cry
Needing to go and die
Wanting to break away
From this person I am today
Not recognising anymore
My face happy no more
Yelling out on my own
Crying when I'm alone
Is this what I am destined to be
Is this messed up freak the new me
Never thought I would be like this
Happiness wow that I miss
Didn't expect this constant sad
Always pain driving me mad
Ending up being a ball of hate
Where, inside myself I wait
To explode and yell and shout
About my life about about
Cutting myself in the smelly loos
Why I do it I don't have a clue
Taking my drugs in the dark of night
Giving myself a 10 minute high
Pretending I'm not fazed by him dying
When I'm in fact always crying
Not wanting to think about her
Not being long for this world
Why me, Why am I so cursed
Why has my life got so much worse
Is it something I did who knows
I just want to be alone
Where I can take comfort in my knife
Cutting takes me away from life
For a little while I feel numb
Then the pain again does come
What the hell am I doing here
Words of pain whispered in my ear
Thinking thoughts of suicide
Joining the loved ones that have died