Hit

I didn't want to go.
I screamed, I yelled.
I argued, I swore.
you slapped me
I dodged most of it
so it didn't hurt.
but still it set me off.
so I shoved you back.
you lounged at me and I pushed you away.
I screamed beep you,
And called you a beep.
I went upstairs
continuing my screaming
the swearing.
you chased me,
ran up to me..
scared me.
I ducked, I thought you would strike me again.
But you decided not to.
So i pushed you over and over and screamed in frustration..
I sat at the kitchen table
and burst into tears.
screaming broken words that i don't remember.
you threatened to take my things away.
you threatened to ground me from everything if i didn't
cooperate.
so reluctantly i slowly got to my feet, crying hysterically
and went out to the van.
on my way out, i screamed in a broken voice:
"I HATE YOU!"
you replied, "I don't care."
I yelled back, "Yes you do, you know you do."
I got in the van, sat in the way back, covered my face
and wished for him.
wished for him to call and calm me down.
wished for him to hold me and tell me I'll be okay.
But my wishes never come true.
Defeated, I cried silently.
When they got out of the van, I cried loudly.
A sorrowful melody floated out of my heart through my veins, and up the tunnel of my throat and out of my mouth.
I was not heard.
I felt like a caged animal in that van so without being seen, i jumped out and wandered the neighborhood.
I couldn't control my crying, it was a loud melody as of now.
People stared at me, sympathetically.
I didn't care.
I don't need them, I don't need anybody.
I just need to leave this beeping world forever.
I don't care about anything anymore.
Only him.
It was freezing out. Probably a little above 0 degrees.
My hands froze for they held my cell phone and my MP3 Player.
But I kept walking.
I thought of running away to him.
But I had no way.
I don't have the number for a cab.
I don't have his address either.
I'm so hopeless.
I feel so worthless.
The last time this stuff happened was 3 years ago.
And look, its all happening AGAIN.
Her hitting me causes flashbacks of three years ago,
and of the butt head, also.
I wandered the whole time they shoveled the driveway,
so long that they drove around looking for me.
You pulled to a stop
and I got in.
Not a word was said as I sat in the way back once again.
We went home.
I hurried up to my room and cried some more.
Then got up enough guts to go down to the basement.
There is where I am now.
I don't feel safe, not at all.
I just want to die.
And end it all...