Die

I flushed down the toilet, most of my pills,
I cried the last tears for all your cheap thrills
For all those times you made me shake
for all the pain my heart couldn't take
for all the memories taken from me
this is not what i wanted to be.

With trembling coldness running through,
in my hand, i clench the last two,
they tell me that this is something i should never try
that after taking the first, i would die.
So i took one as a hopeless cure,
and after that came many more.
I'm still standing though slightly gone,
as a last resort i pick up the phone.

Please answer it now if u never did
this is so important when a friend is all i need
don't leave me hanging on the other line
I'm dying here even though i say I'm fine
when u don’t pick up I breathe in deep
I will break now the promises I swore to keep
I told u I would never even touch
The poison that I’ve grown to love so much

With a deep swallow and a shaking hand
I scribble a last note for those who wouldn't understand:
"I have just done something really bad
I was never that horrible of a child, just somewhat sad,
Behind my door, though, happened so much more
So many times I would pass out on the floor,
Like so many others, this life was too much to bear,
And when I needed it most, no one seemed to care.

Please don't hate me and please don't cry,
Its not worth it, ill tell you why,
Im not the kind of person that would have lasted
In this world of yours that is just too plastic,
The people so fake but the feelings too real
Where all smile and pretend when that's not what they feel.
Im sorry I spoke the truth, I was never really shy,
But even so now has come the time… for me to … die"