I dont deserve to be comforted

Pain suffering silence
there's so much silence
everyday i listen to it
I'm surrounded in it
its worst at night
it consumes me
i am alone
i need something, someone
to hold on to
to make everything better
i had him
but i lost him
i don't deserve to be comforted
i dwell in a dimension full of silence and pain
I'm so broken form all the beatings
from all who use me
i give so much to others and try to help them with their problems
in return i get mocked and ridiculed
by those closest to me
she doesn't know the effects her words
have on me how it lingers in my head -my soul
how cant she see the pain in my eyes
as the sun goes down darkness devours me
in my room awake
cant sleep because the silence is too loud
breaking more and more or me
i am a loner a loser
i have no friends no life no love
it has all dissolved
the silence took it away from me
i cant teach it - its beyond my grasp
no matter how hard i try its never enough
if only i was a better girlfriend
and didn't complain or show him the real me
the only answer to heal all this pain
is something which should have happened but didn't
i was a mistake
i should have never been born
that would ease the silence
that would ease the pain
that would ease all the lives I've burdened
i don't deserve to be comforted
i must live alone in my silent hell hole
for all eternity
i don't deserve to be loved
i don't deserve to be happy
i don't deserve to be comforted