For once I believe in faith
I thought it was meant to be
I thought you were there for me
I was there for you thou
You didn't trust me
I trusted you
I thought I had something to look forward to
I didn't
I was all a lie
my scars
the ones left inside
they hurt
I can't stand to think about them
I have been brought down to nothing
I can't even feel the happiness
what happiness is there
when all you can think about
is how life has no meaning
no hope
no trust
We are put here to die
put here to suffer
I am so sick of all the suffering
you gave me the hope
of never suffering again
You took away the tears
the pain
everything that was bad
You leave me
and now i am here to rot
I hope you are happy
because I'm not
I will never be
I am just f.cked up
and not to be
I am sorry god
I am sorry I am thanking this way
but what do u want me to think?
a lie?
I cant help it
I don't even know if you exist
but I have the faith of you
you have been there before
I can sense you in the presence
But you don't help me
why?
I am always down
always wanting to die
and cry
I want the perk
of knowing
the truth
the real me
the real you
You make it seem like
to have some happiness
I have to suffer for days
and months
God please
be there for me
no one else is
Im afraid to goto my parents
Im afraid to she a shrink
what will they do anyways?
Make me think more into a lie
than the truth?
I need the truth
I need the happiness you offer
You seem to be holding out
not giving me the joy of knowing
I suffer
and cry
weep and moan
all because I don't know
I need to know
I have to
To be happy
I need the truth
not some lie
If the truth makes me die
or hurts me more
I will go crazy
i wont understand
why someone should suffer
God this is crazy
Look at me
I am pathetic
I want to die
I hate this pain
I feel every night
It results from
all the lie
also from people
being stupid
and making me down
I don't understand you
you put us here for a reason
but I cant see what
to live?
to say "I lived through life!"
no, I wont say that
I wont say it with pride
I must be happy
If you are working on this
making me suffer
to be happy
thank you
but I don't understand it
I want to know why
I have to know
otherwise I wont be happy in the end
I know you are great god
I know you exist
I have full faith in you
I sense your love and care
but why?
why are were here!?
I will forever think about this
and forever make myself sad
and want to die
Should I die
I think that would take me to you
ask you in person
how do I wish
you would come down here
face me
and just tell me
is the truth that bad
where you have to hide it
does the truth make you ashamed?
It looks like that right now God
Just please
hear me out
listen to me talk
I need to know
why you cause me this pain
You give me
and take away leaving me in more pain
I hear you have a plan for everyone
why don't I see mine?
am I blind?
Take Amanda for instance
what's her purpose?
to be a punching bag for her dad?
Thats just mean
and wrong
You are being mean
you aren't telling the truth
I cant stand this god
Give me some sign!
show me why you make people suffer
Do you get a kick out of it?
I doubt that
but if you do
shame on you
Can you honestly think of a person
that is happy with life?
I can't
Life is just so pointless as it seems
You make me weep
you make me cry
you make me wanna die
Just tell me
you make us suffer
how about a reason for it?
i believe that is appropriate
Your acting like a child
your not showing me
what I want to see
U know I believe in you
I trust you
I am just worried
that you aren't what you are said to be
I have prayed to you many a time
and you came through
I thank you
but please
my one last prayer
the real one
the one that counts
Dear god
i am sorry for the pain I cause people
I am sorry for ever doubting you
I am sorry for wishing to die
and not believing in you at times
but god
I need you the most now
This is my prayer
that makes it all worth while
the one that shows I care
because I do
I really do
I want to help
and I know your there
your lurking in the presence
so please
god
my one last wish
the one that really matters 100%
Make the world happy
make me happy
make Amanda happy
give us all some hope
show your exist
show it all please
God thanks so much for being there
thanks for listening
Amen
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