Is This Why ... ?

They didn’t allow me to be myself
Their cruelty and narrow minds
Were one cause to my fractured mental health
They didn’t care when they saw the signs:

When I didn't show to lessons at all
When I came from the toilets tear stained
When I shook with fear as I entered school
Not once did they look ashamed.

I HATED them for what they did and said
What made them think they had a right
To mess up my life and screw with my head
I never understood how they could sleep at night.

Some were punished, but it was only small
One hours detention to pay for days of fear
After the punishment they showed no shame at all
Instead they saw a trophy in my every tear

I hated them, I wish them dead each day
Wished I could scar their pretty faces for good
Wished I could kill them, just throw them away
To humiliate me, they took every chance they could

I spent years and years consumed by my hate
I never let it out, so it only grew and grew
And by the time I was ready to let it out, it was too late
We all had different places to go to

So now I release my anger onto myself
With blades and lighters I set it free
More and more happened to destroy my mental health
And deep down, I know the anger still grows in me.

And I wonder if one day I will let it out on someone
And if I did … I would then become like them …?

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005