Forever Changed

by Tammy   Mar 3, 2005


You were always my favorite uncle
the one I loved & trusted too
I never imagined the day would come
when everything within me would hate you.
I was only twelve years old
laying on the floor watching t.v.
no one else was at your house
no one else but you & me.
Why did you look at me like that?
When you saw me, didn't you see a little girl?
Didn't you see the fear in my eyes
as you forever changed my innocent world?
As you raped me over & over again
for four very long years
did it bother you even once
when you saw my eyes fill with tears?
It seemed like an eternity
I didn't think it would ever stop
but after I turned sixteen
I decided it had to... no matter what.
I knew I couldn't stand it
to happen even once more
so the last time I was in your car
I waited till the time was right & jumped out of the door.
I really didn't care if I died
laying there on the back road
It's the only thing I knew to do
Cause this secret couldn't be told.
No such luck, I was still alive
scuffed & bruised with pains in my chest
I took off running for my life
But now I was scared to death.
I heard the car stop on the rocks
as I ran through the cornfield fast
wondering if I'd make it through this day
or would it be my last?
I could hear you running after me
as the corn behind me moved
suddenly something grabbed me
it was my greatest fear... you.
I don't remember anything else
except the look in your eyes
You seemed to be totally insane
that look you couldn't disguise.
Lord only knows what happened after that
It's like hitting a stone wall
my mind has totally blocked it out
I'm not yet willing to recall.
I don't even know how I got home that day
but one thing I know for sure
that was the last time you ever touched me
I thank God, it never happened any more.

© Tammy Lively

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by *~Emma~*

    Wow, that poem was very touching, i'm so sorry that happened! even now it's probably hard to believe it ever did. It's amazing how well you write! thanks for recommending a read this poem.
    luv em

  • 19 years ago

    by wdnest

    I think this is an excellent poem Tammy.

    I am glad you wrote it and hope that it gave you great relief in telling your story.

    wdnest

  • 19 years ago

    by Dominique

    thats was really amazing, and im glad that he doesn't do that to you anymore, what a jerk, but i'll take you up on your advice, and if it helps i did tell a trusted family memeber, and they promised to keep an eye out for me, but i wanted to let you know that your advice won't go unapperciated, and thank you for your help
    :)

  • 19 years ago

    by Kalika

    Hello,
    That was a very impressive poem, it touched me....I completely relate to how you felt, as you understand from reading my poem.....Thank you so much for commenting on my poem, it means the world to me, and thank you for recomending this poem for me to read.....It's good to know that I may in fact get over what has happened to me, and learn to forgive and forget.....Thank you for that.....

    Kalika

  • 19 years ago

    by Tammy

    Thank you everyone for the comments. I wanted to let everyone know that I did eventually forgive my uncle. I realized he was a VERY sick man & in need of some major help. I am not saying I was ever friends with him or spent any time with him after what he did, but I did forgive him in my heart. He passed away a couple of years ago. I can rest now knowing he can no longer hurt anyone. Writing this poem helped me deal with the pain. I didn't write it for sympathy or anything like that... it's just part of the healing process. This happened 25 years ago and to be honest, I am glad I can't remember the last time, because I think it was really bad. Thanks again for the comments. And to all of the young girls who may read this and are going through a similar situation... Please don't let it ruin your life. Always remember there is a better life waiting for you!! If you try to kill yourself or let it ruin your life then HE WON!!! Don't ever let him win!! He has taken enough from you. Be strong... keep your head up & keep your faith up.
    When you feel like you have no where else to turn... You always have Jesus.. He loves you no matter what!! Trust Him to help you through it. He is always faithful!! God bless you all!!

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