Not good enough

You wake up every morning,
With a smile on your face,
You\\\'re happy with the life you have,
Proud of the way its taking place.
Unaware of what goes on,
Actions and feelings are blind to your eye,
You don’t see or feel the pain,
After all, its not you who wants to die.
Welcome to my world,
A place of frauds, fakes and sadness,
All covered up by a simple mask,
Strong enough to hide all the madness.
As long as I have my “smiles”,
I know ill keep pulling through,
But one thing that makes it so god damn hard,
Is having a “friend” like you.
Constantly running, obeying, pleading,
Jumping at your every command,
I don’t see a way out of your chains,
Always choking, pulled back by the grip of your hand.
Its hard holding back whats deep within,
Not saying what I really need to say,
But what hurts the most is waking up,
Knowing you’ll be in my life for another day.
I try hard to make a difference,
Try to put my life before your eyes,
I try to stop myself from breaking,
But nothing will stop the cries.
I know now that there is no point,
You’ll never understand,
I feel so trapped and isolated,
Stranded in “no-friends” land.
Nothing I ever do is good enough,
The way I think, talk and feel,
You critisize me for the way I am,
The way i am honestly, just isn’t real.
Havent you ever hidden yourself,
Become a different person for “your own good”,
Blocked out who you are within,
Because other people think you should?
Ive stopped doing things for myself,
It would be pointless anyway,
Ive forgotten who I am…
Who I was last year, last month, yesterday…
All I can worry about is how you feel,
And hope you’ll be in a good mood today.
Even if your happy I cant relax,
Because I have to make sure you stay that way.
I just have to take life how it is,
Ive learnt to bare it and keep my mouth shut,
It doesn’t matter what I say anyway
Ill never be good enough.