Failed Suicide

Looking at this blade,
and how it has scarred me for life,
i think of ways to cover them up,
but they won't disappear, no matter how hard i try.

i never show them to my friends,
because they might not understand,
i don't need to be told what to do,
i don't need anyone to hold my hand.

but because of this blade,
my days cannot go back,
i feel like i can't think straight,
i feel it's brains i lack.

i don't know why i do this,
i guess it just eases my pain,
as i cut, i clinch my teeth,
so i don't scream out in vain.

i don't need to tell anyone,
nobody must ever know,
i need to hide these scars forever,
so they will never show.

i went to the diner the other day,
and this waitress saw my arm,
she asked me what had i done,
and why i did such harm.

i felt like i knew her,
but i had never seen her before,
but i had to stop cutting myself,
i couldn't hurt myself anymore.

but as i hung up the phone,
i brought the blade back out,
i don't know why i did it,
but my heart was filled with doubt.

i won't go near my wrists,
i can't go that deep,
i watch the blood flow from my arm,
watch it slowly seep.

i never want to do this again,
so i'll throw the blade away,
i hung up the phone again,
and brought the blade back out the next day.

i don't want to hurt anymore,
so i put the blade back down and cried,
and that's the last time i ever tried,
to fully commit suicide.