great poem! i love it! really sad but great! keep it up!

Love, Taylor

its not bad hun, very well written, makes you think! God bless you

with love,
Heather

great poem i gave it a 5 outta 5 check out my poems sumtime

great poem i gave it a 5 outta 5 check out my poems sumtime

this is really good & really true

"and people making fun of them
and the homeless trying to mend"
them/mend is a slant rhyme, and I'm not sure what the meaning of that thought is supposed to be. Do you mean homeless people are trying to mend their lives? Does the second line relate in any way to the first? I think that is a bit of a forced rhyme.

"A crippled on the hallway
wishing that they walk someday"
it should be cripple, not crippled. The second line reads a bit awkwardly, it seems a bit incomplete, like it needs a subject and a verb, like "I keep wishing that they..." or something. Or if you mean the cripple wishes he could walk, it should be
"A cripple on the hallway
wishs that he could walk someday"
or something, see what I mean?

"and the people being mean to him
treating him like a sin"
technically speaking, this is a broken comparison. there should be a "he's" before the sin for it to make sense, but I'm not sure I really like the simile very much.

"and the people will care for them
and the homeless will be happy for your send"
that second sentence doesn't make sense. maybe it should be:
"and the homeless will be happy for what you send"
or something, but it doesn't really work the way it is written.

I hope you understand that if the above seems harsh, that is because it is brutally honest. I could have spent very little of my time saying something like "ooo I loved it great idea!!11! please vote and comment my poems <3," but instead I've read over your entire poem and picked out parts I think need improvement for this poem to get better. With time, constructive criticism like this will definitely help you gain skills as a writer, and you'll find that when you want to express yourself through poetry, you'll be able to do so in a more eloquent manner.

Hey,That's a pretty good poem!I gave you a 5 because you decided to try a different style of poetry and wrote on a different topic,and you did an awesome job. Keep up the awesome poems:P -love psychotic heart

why did you never tell me about this