My safety net

Shoot me in the back of the head
blow my brains out here and now
watch my body helplessly fall
as you just stare and wonder how

slit my throat, let the blood drop
don't lend a hand, please sit back and look
don't worry, its not you dying
it wasn't you silently weeping as you shock

you never dealt the fake smiles
or learnt to laugh as if you meant it
joke with the rest day in and out
as you fell deeper into this pit

you never had to hide deep down
burning feelings of desire and love
trying to keep it together, not to slip
scared of falling with the slightest shove

scared of moving too far back
of falling to what was before
scared of moving forwards
of being hurt in a new way, only more

you didn't contain the rising anger
building day after every day
placing a lid over it to stop it spilling
pretending you're fine in every way

so let me sit back in my safety net
as at least i know of whats to come
I'll pick up the pieces, don't you worry
I'm used to feeling this numb

and you will see me smile again
real or not i do not know
but i cant hold this in any longer
love, anger and feeling so low

i can no longer lie to myself
or carry on with all of the pretending
one day it will be over, but not yet
one day my mind and heart wont need mending

so scream at me if you wish
or b***h as my back is turned
but please know I'm only trying to stay sane
to relight my flame which forgot how to burn

*sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense,my minds all over the place at the moment.. all votes and comments would mean a lot xXx *