The world is speeding by around me
Going at hyper speed
Is any of this really real?
Or just a mirage like the rest of my life?
The only thing that seems real is Pebbles
And cutting of course
Last night I almost did it
I scratched my shoulder with the needle
A heart star and smiley
Even though I wasn't smiling
I don't know what happened
I lost control
I think my world is caving in
I'm no longer in control
What is going on? How could this happen?
Why is this so unreal?
What is this nightmare, that I am being forced to live in?
The subliminal mind not caring about anything
As I slowly die from the inside out
Yet it seems no one cares
I know Pebbles loves me
But it seems like no longer does she try
Try to do anything except say I'm not going to do anything
And that's when I tell her I'm scared
I think that since I hadn't cut for 8 weeks
She didn't take me as seriously
But last week, I was scared for my life
I almost took a knife to my wrist
Almost let myself bleed to death
I wanted it so badly
I just wanted it all to go away
All of it to come rushing out in a torrent of blood
As I would slowly die
The world around me slowly fading into blackness
Into nothingness
Then everything would be ok
There would be no more problems
And nothing more to worry about
If I was dead
I don't know if I could do that to Pebbles
But sometimes I wonder
With the way my mind works
I can't predict anything anymore
My thoughts are constantly flashing
Nothing seems real
Differentiating between right and wrong get harder every day
I'm not sure of anything anymore
Could this be happening
I mean
I used to be so happy
So upbeat
How did it all change?
What made me start with this addiction?
Did Amelia cause this, being as evil as she is?
Or was it really my mom?
Her yelling all the time
With nothing right anymore
Hiding in my room when she's home
On the phone most of the time with Pebbles
But how did it get to this?
It started with punching the wall
But I didn't think that could lead to something like cutting
How
How could anyone even think of hurting themselves
Self mutilation they call it
But it's much more
Pleasure, pain, relief, an ADDICTION
Some people think it would be so easy to stop
But they're wrong
It becomes someone's only way to cope
Their escape
The only thing they can do
To get away from their messed up lives
But cutters have gotten such a bad name
From fakes
Attention seekers is what they're called
Stupid retards who do it to get attention from others
They give cutters a bad name
Putting wrong beliefs about cutting in others' minds
Doing it to cope is bad enough
But why would someone do it for attention too?
This all seems so fake, so unreal
The world is speeding by around me
Going at hyper speed
Is any of this really real?
Or just a mirage like the rest of my life?
