Once your soul was a part of my heart, I fought, begged and compromised to keep it there. For it was a good thing, it was “THE†blessing of my life; I could hold my hands on my chest and feel you near me, regardless of where you were. Today, where once you resided in my heart, the part of us that I held so dear, is a source of irritation and pain, for it is in the part of my heart that has broken away and ran afoul of my spirit. I do not put the blame on you entirely; of course I had a big hand in this. Unfortunately, it does not mitigate the pain that I live with, minute to minute, hour to hour.
I have struggled, prayed, struggled and prayed, to the point that I have lost focus on life, my goals, my desires and most importantly my priorities. Currently, I have opportunities, very lucrative, dynamic, and even prestigious. But I cannot make a decision on which direction to go. These are the areas where I needed you, respected your input, needed your support. And you are not here, nor can I ask you to be here.
Why after all this time, do I still cry over you, fondly recalling everything we did? This is not normal or healthy; I do not want this pain anymore. I guess to put a positive spin on this, at least I loved and lost, which they say is better then never having loved. But I was a much happier person prior to all this, or at least the pain and hurt was something I could endure.
I have much to thank you for, although I will not get into any details, just please remember that I have not forgotten the gifts you have given, the joys realized, and the bitter disappointments. With respect to us, one plus one does not equal two, it equaled three, for our God put us together, and I still have not forgiven our Heavenly Father for inflicting so much pain in both of our lives.
You are the measure that I weigh everyone against, it is not fair to them, for nobody will ever measure up to the pedestal that I have placed you on, however the pedestal was even too high for me to accede too.
I hold the upper hand here, I have purposely excluded names, I know whom this was written for, and you may be able to guess by whom it was written, but you will never know for sure.
I do wish you the best in life, peace joy and happiness, for I am not a mean person. I am not sinless so I cannot judge. Nor am I in a position to offer advice on if or if not somebody needed help, or if that help should be given.
I do know that everyone needs someone, which is a basic human requirement. Perhaps in the afterlife, when our souls slow down we can meet again, we may not be able to take the joy in physical pleasures, but our souls can link once again, and have our joy restored.
