One minute I'll be happy, smiling & carefree,
The next thing I know
Depression has taken over me.
Tears flow from my eyes, staining my cheeks.
My mind shuts off & I grow very weak.
I immediately run for my knives, forgetting to think
I start to carve the designs into my arm & wrists
Until I can't take anymore & everything goes blank.
I wake up on the bathroom floor.
The redness all around me & flowing from my arms.
With each slit I die a little more.
I lay in a heap, tears of pain flow down.
Sometimes I want to let go & yet sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I'm just so confused & I don't know what to do.
I feel like a failure, like I can do anything right.
I'm just a helpless girl at night when I close my eyes.
Lord, tell me why you do this, why you send me pain.
Maybe there's a lesson to learn,
But this hurt is too much for there to be something to gain.
