Crying at night never takes away my pain…I’m left with only two choices and neither one have any gain. I can sit and cry…pretend that it makes me feel better inside…or I could use the knife lying by my right, make a couple slashes but then it would just start a fight…
People don’t understand why it takes away the stress…to make a cut, that will leave a scar...they don’t see that it makes the pain I carry less…they rather judge me then try and comprehend that to ease my mind…I turned to self-mutilation
I’m not saying its right…or that it’s what I should do…but if I didn’t take some pain out on myself I would probably go unglued…I don’t know why I hurt myself when others hurt me first…it just makes the pain they gave me compared to what I do to myself feel a lot less worse
If I told you what was wrong…do you really think it will make me feel better…to tell you what was eating me alive inside…to write the ones I hate or feel angry towards a letter…I cant tell them to their face cause I’m in fear that I would cry, I don’t want the ones I hate to see that I’m weak inside…
I know I’m supposed to be careless…because I’m only a teen…but people don’t get that being young isn’t really that easy...I ruined my life…I lost all my friends…all for a guy…I wasn’t with in the end…I’ve tried for so long…to get him back into my life…lately its just not working…all I have left is my knife…it catches my tears, I makes the pain stop…it releases my fear, all by one blood drop
If he told me he needed me, that he wanted me in his life…I wouldn’t hurt myself the way I do…I wouldn’t want to use this knife…if only he was honest with me…if only he really cared…I wouldn’t want to take the pain out on myself...I wouldn’t even dare. He used to be my everything…my only true best friend…and now I’m not sure where we are going…I just hope I’m there with him till the end
