Words

Everything has changed, and everything hasn't. With each passing day, the rhythm of my life perpetuates; the excruciating decisions and the simple consequences. One thing that seems to be changing, fading away perhaps, is my creativity, and my ability for self-control. Each time I come back to write another entry (To alleviate myself from the mental maelstrom); I have less to say, or more to say, but nothing new. Sometimes I stop and look on the thing's I've done and the choices I've made, and I scare myself. Why? Because everything good about me, the imagination, the vision, the ability to love and forgive, seem to be seeping away from me. I feel as if my whole being, body and soul is falling apart. Worse, there's nothing I can do about it but to watch and drown in helplessness. Sitting in front of this LCD monitor, I can't even make sense of why I am writing this, or why I bother expressing any of my repetitive thoughts. The words I'm typing, all of them verbs, nouns, adjectives, adverbs – its all so pointless; all the same. It's all so much less, inadequate words to describe perfect feelings. Imperfect feelings toned to perfection.